Dark Side of My Happiness

Thanks, "Mystery", I've managed to secure "him", my prison, my maize, my trap, my swindler, my con artist, and my poet as my man.

Unfortunately, all of these does not come at the price of nothing. Despite all of the efforts and ups and downs, at the highest point of our ambiguous relationship, he managed to dealt me a fatal blow that frustate me to the point of losing all my rationality.

That, combined with my parents continuous effort to matchmake me, and also some of my harassing admirers (I'm serious, they made me wish that I never have a cellphone) has made me so absurd as to ask Mr. Limb to take me back.

That has marked the beginning of my isolation period. Just like the way it was, I cut all ties with my friends, my cousins, and even with my parents (although unintentionally). I become totally his. The undoubted presence and devotion of Mr.Limb suddenly seems to be worth the pain of being a total outcast from my society. I thought everything went well, for at least I found myself at peace whenever I'm in my room, being alone.

However, all of that does not stay for long.

It only took me two days after meeting 'him' to get back to the state I was. And then it happened, the scene I desire the most since the first time I met him. It happened at the most unexpected time, in the most unimaginable way. Spontaneously. Randomly. Explosively. And to makes it worse, it feels so Right. So right, as if, I've been dating all these while, just to know figure out that I want to be with someone like him. A Serendipity.

And so, Mr. Limb became the victim of my new-found happiness. Mr. Limb's last efforts to cling on to me, his deeply saddened expression, each and every drops of his tears, his wailings, was replayed in my mind, haunting me right at that moment when I'm lying on my bed, getting ready to sleep.

I feel inhuman.

But I guess, this is the best thing I could do for him. For I know I can't give him happiness. If these scenes shall haunt me forever, then let it be. For being mean is the last thing I could do for him. I sincerely wish him a good life, and a good partner that will treasure him. I hope that he will get his share of good karma soon.


As karma work both ways, I know I will get my share at one point in my life. And if, it ever comes in the form of betrayal by 'him', then I shall blame no one. For all of this is the price I'm willing to pay to be with him.