I'm so lonely now.. that i feel like I'm rotting inside. I'm tired of living to please and meet the expectation of the people I love. I wish they would just love me the way I am, just like I do. I feel so lonely that all I want to do is to bury myself in studying, one activity which I hate the most. I feel so dried up inside that even reading countless comics and watching countless dramas can't possibly make it better.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Hell
BEING a doctor is my dream --- or I'd rather say, was.
I am a very stubborn girl, with the thirst to prove myself. I am eager to show people that I am smart, I can do whatever others cannot do, I want others to raise their heads with respect when they look at me, as if I'm the brightest star on the sky. Admiration was like air to me, before I realized that it was nothing compared to my own satisfaction or enjoyment. I am forced to admit that I have lived for others all this time; all others but me.
Some suggested me to keep walking; others adviced me to turn around before it is too late. The latter is tempting because that is what my heart tells me to do; "you will never survive seeing dirty stuff", "you will not survive seeing dead bodies", "you will regret having to dump your beloved subject for pride"; It keeps on yelling and yelling without me listening to it.
I'm flying so high above now... That I am afraid to look down and see.
I'm flying for so long now... That I am hesistant to return to the ground
I'm flying too high now ... for people not to put hopes on me
I'm flying so high now... that people cannot help but admire me
I'm flying so high now... yet nobody cares how tired I am
I am responsible for all this; for having chosen the wrong path. It is the hell I created myself - it is , my personal hell, my definiton of hell.
I am a very stubborn girl, with the thirst to prove myself. I am eager to show people that I am smart, I can do whatever others cannot do, I want others to raise their heads with respect when they look at me, as if I'm the brightest star on the sky. Admiration was like air to me, before I realized that it was nothing compared to my own satisfaction or enjoyment. I am forced to admit that I have lived for others all this time; all others but me.
Some suggested me to keep walking; others adviced me to turn around before it is too late. The latter is tempting because that is what my heart tells me to do; "you will never survive seeing dirty stuff", "you will not survive seeing dead bodies", "you will regret having to dump your beloved subject for pride"; It keeps on yelling and yelling without me listening to it.
I'm flying so high above now... That I am afraid to look down and see.
I'm flying for so long now... That I am hesistant to return to the ground
I'm flying too high now ... for people not to put hopes on me
I'm flying so high now... that people cannot help but admire me
I'm flying so high now... yet nobody cares how tired I am
I am responsible for all this; for having chosen the wrong path. It is the hell I created myself - it is , my personal hell, my definiton of hell.
Friday, May 29, 2009
trouble
Concentration, ambition and motivation are the three factors which I found really hard to deal with. Lately, I seemed to have found myself hard to concentrate upon even the simplest matter in life. My mind got carried away on its own accord and never fails to send fake images of sweet alluring, imaginary Mr.Right. All thanks to the Korean serial drama "Boys over flowers".
Almost every girls dream about meeting their other selves or the so called "soul mates". It is my theory that only when they do, or when they think they do, that they will proceed with their dreams. At least, this is what's happening to me. I cannot stop daydreaming about the stupid goo jun pyo and study properly. Actually I did. Only I knew I did not fully concentrate on my bio paper today T T..God, tell me how to stop daydreaming!
Concentration however, may also be clouded by fear, worries, confusion and so on and so forth. I am now, like a homeless bird. Keeps on flying and flying above the infinite ocean without a tree to land on - I'm simply at lost, and very tired. I'm just not that sort of woman who can do everything all by themselves ; but I'm forced to be one. What to do? Instead of putting my hope on gun jan di, or Bella, or tsukushi , or yan xiang qin, I better start finding THE tree myself. But how could that be logical? Finding the right tree from an ocean of similar looking trees? Therefore, I still think it's better to concentrate on being the right girl instead.
Almost every girls dream about meeting their other selves or the so called "soul mates". It is my theory that only when they do, or when they think they do, that they will proceed with their dreams. At least, this is what's happening to me. I cannot stop daydreaming about the stupid goo jun pyo and study properly. Actually I did. Only I knew I did not fully concentrate on my bio paper today T T..God, tell me how to stop daydreaming!
Concentration however, may also be clouded by fear, worries, confusion and so on and so forth. I am now, like a homeless bird. Keeps on flying and flying above the infinite ocean without a tree to land on - I'm simply at lost, and very tired. I'm just not that sort of woman who can do everything all by themselves ; but I'm forced to be one. What to do? Instead of putting my hope on gun jan di, or Bella, or tsukushi , or yan xiang qin, I better start finding THE tree myself. But how could that be logical? Finding the right tree from an ocean of similar looking trees? Therefore, I still think it's better to concentrate on being the right girl instead.
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