Hell

BEING a doctor is my dream --- or I'd rather say, was.

I am a very stubborn girl, with the thirst to prove myself. I am eager to show people that I am smart, I can do whatever others cannot do, I want others to raise their heads with respect when they look at me, as if I'm the brightest star on the sky. Admiration was like air to me, before I realized that it was nothing compared to my own satisfaction or enjoyment. I am forced to admit that I have lived for others all this time; all others but me.

Some suggested me to keep walking; others adviced me to turn around before it is too late. The latter is tempting because that is what my heart tells me to do; "you will never survive seeing dirty stuff", "you will not survive seeing dead bodies", "you will regret having to dump your beloved subject for pride"; It keeps on yelling and yelling without me listening to it.

I'm flying so high above now... That I am afraid to look down and see.
I'm flying for so long now... That I am hesistant to return to the ground
I'm flying too high now ... for people not to put hopes on me
I'm flying so high now... that people cannot help but admire me
I'm flying so high now... yet nobody cares how tired I am

I am responsible for all this; for having chosen the wrong path. It is the hell I created myself - it is , my personal hell, my definiton of hell.